


Impossible

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:23:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Dear Jin, I know you’re completely oblivious to it, but actually, I am head over heels in love with you. I know that there is no logic to that, and especially, that you think it is impossible, but believe me, it’s real, and definetely </em>possible.<em> So, please, could you stop closing your eyes from that fact, and admit that you feel the same for me? – Yours, Kazuya</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I’m really nervous about this, because this is totally different from everything Akame related that I have written before. Well, maybe it’s also not, and I’m just imagining it, but seeing as I’m so used to my regular writing style, I feel like every little change of direction will make a huge difference.  
> So, tell me what you think about this, I’m really excited.  
> Oh, and I officially apologize to Hayami Mokomichi about how I portrayed him in this XD Nobody take it personally, please, it could have been anyone – I just needed a poor Gokusen 2 actor to play the part ;) So no offense.

** Impossible **

Kame’s POV

The air in the room was humid and hot, and the music was way too loud for my liking, but I couldn’t care less as I laughed about a joke Jin had made, taking a sip of my coke.

It was the farewell party of the Gokusen 2 staff – today, we had filmed the last scenes, and as a celebration, the whole cast had gone out to party together. Or better, the whole _teenage_ cast – it would have probably been awkward if Nakama Yukie or Utsui Ken had sticked around.

Though I was not that huge of a party type, I was enjoying myself – but that had probably to do with Jin. It seemed like, no matter where I was – as long as Jin was there, everything worked for me.

 _Dear readers,_  
yes, I actually am aware of how pathetic I sound. But thanks for reminding me again.  
Could you please shut up and let me see my world in pink for just this one night?!

_Sincerely,_

_Kazuya_

 “Akanishi!!” Jin was interrupted mid-sentence in his story by Hayami, who suddenly turned up seemingly out of nowhere. He pushed me aside a little to squeeze himself in between Jin and me, putting an arm around his shoulders to draw him closer. I rolled my eyes, stretching out the toes he had just stepped on, drumming my fingers onto the wooden surface of the bar in frustration.

The bar keeper gave me a weird look, but I ignored him, far too busy cursing Hayami in my mind.

_Dear Hayami,_

_I know we spent the last few months together at one film set, and I know that I was the one introducing you to Jin, but that gives you no right to get on my nerves and interrupt our conversations._

_Sincerely,_

_The guy on whose foot you just stepped_

_PS: I’d appreciate it if you removed your arm from his shoulders. Thank you._

I was interrupted in my habit to curse people inwardly, though, when Hayami looked at Jin with pleading eyes, saying:“You have to do me a favor!”

“What is it?” Jin asked, eyeing him skeptically. I was staring holes in Hayami’s back, but he ignored me, concentrating on Jin.

“You remember those two guest actresses from last week? China-chan and the other girl?” he prodded excitedly.

Oh, yes, I remembered them – those two stupid divas who came onto the set thinking the whole world revolved around them because they were the only girls our age in a miles distance. And sadly, most of the boys had even reacted to that. Hayami being no exception.

Was I the only teenage boy on this whole set who had thought them ridiculous?!

“Yeah. What about them?” Jin frowned, answering Hayami’s question.

“Well, China-chan gave me her number and agreed to meet me tomorrow” he started.

Now there we had a couple. Why don’t you just disappear then and send lovey-dovey emails to your soul mate instead of annoying me to death?!

“Well, that’s great, isn’t it?” Jin smiled at Hayami encouragingly. “I know you liked her!”

“Well, yes, but there is a problem” he continued. “You know, her friend, she has the hots for you. So she told me that she would only meet me if you came along and we could double date!”

I almost choked on my coke at those words, looking over to Jin in shock.

What the heck?! What was this supposed to become?! Blackmailing people into a date?! What were those girls thinking?!

_Dear China and girl-whose-name-I-forgot-but-you-are-apparently-trying-to-hit-on-Jin-so-we-need-to-have-a-word,_

_Newsflash – your behavior is immature and a pain in the ass. Jin is not interested. He wasn’t when you were practically undressing him on set in your thoughts, and he is not now, either. So fuck off, will you?!_

_Sincerely,  
the only guy on set who ignored you_

Jin wasn’t looking at me, though – he was looking at Hayami, taken aback.

“Please, Akanishi!” Hayami pleaded. “Come along, okay?! She is cute, we’re going to have fun! Be a good friend and don’t leave me hanging, okay?”

“But actually, Kame and I had plans tomorrow…” Jin murmured, finally looking at me.

“Yes” I nodded, totally having forgotten about that myself, but glad to have something to cling onto to be able to end this craziness. “We had plans.”

“Kamenashi won’t mind” Hayami continued, ignoring my input. “He’s your band mate, you practically see him every day! But how often do you get the chance on a date with such a cute girl?!”

I glared at Hayami, seriously pissed.

_Dear Hayami,_

_Hi again. This is your second letter in a few minutes. This must be some kind of record._  
 _Actually, I just wanted to warn you – there is an ice pickle lying not far from me behind the bar. If you don’t watch out, I might need to take it and stab you._

_Best wishes (or not),_

_Your very pissed colleague_

I was distracted from my inner rants, though, when Jin actually looked up at me, catching my eyes.

“Would you mind, Kame?” he asked, making my heart sink. Did he have to shove that decision onto me?! How was that fair?!

_Dear Jin,_

_you are completely clueless, right?_  
 _Yes, actually, I do mind. Why do you always have to search yourself the worst kind of girls to go out with?! You’re so much better than that, don’t you know?_  
 _But of course, I can’t tell you that. You have no idea that your best friend is madly in love with you, after all, and I’m not sure it’s wise to change that._  
 _But can’t you do me the favor to please, please understand my hints for once and tell Hayami that you can’t go? I’d really appreciate that._

_Yours,_

_Kazuya_

What I actually said out loud was: “If you really want to go, I won’t keep you. It’s your decision.”

I held my breath, holding his gaze, trying to communicate to him all I wanted to say without words… Couldn’t he understand? Did he really have no idea? We were together practically 24/7 lately, he must have some hint about…

He broke our gaze, looking back at Hayami.

“Then I guess I’m free” he shrugged, and Hayami cheered, hugging him close to thank him.

I sighed, taking another sip of my coke in frustration.

_PS: You are an idiot._

Later that night, Jin drove me home. He had just recently gotten his driving license and would pass up no chance to drive me around, just to brag. I should probably be annoyed by it by now, but I couldn’t help myself – the way his eyes shone in excitement every time he drove… It was hard to say no.

_PPS: Can’t you be a little less attractive and cute?! Idiot._

I was mostly quiet throughout our drive home, lost in my own thoughts. I guessed that Jin must have noticed, because he kept throwing me glances every now and then, but he didn’t speak up, so I didn’t, either.

It wasn’t until he stopped in front of my house and I was undoing my seatbelt that Jin finally asked: “Kame, is something wrong?”

I only shook my head, smiling up at him.

“Really?” he prodded, frowning. “You’ve been too quiet throughout the night. Usually, you talk my head off.”

“Jerk” I rolled my eyes, turning to get out of the car, but he stopped me with a hand on my elbow. My stomach made an unwanted salto.

“I’m sorry about tomorrow” he said, and I looked up at him, our eyes meeting. “Let’s meet up the day after, okay?”

As I kept his gaze, some kind of desire crept up inside of me. I wanted to hug him close, to tell him to not ditch me for that stupid girl… To tell him how much he meant to me.

“Actually…” I started, and Jin looked at expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

**Spoke up and thought I’d try  
Try to step across the line**

I let the sentence hang in the air. I was not even sure what I had been going to say. It seemed that as soon as my sudden flash of courage had appeared, it was gone again, making me retaliate.

“Yes?” Jin nodded, showing me he was listening, but I shook my head, smiling it off, like I always did.

“Never mind. It’s nothing” I murmured, finally opening the door and stepping outside.

It rained a little, the weather befitting my mood. Jin looked like he was about to say something more, but he changed his mind when he saw me lifting my jacket over my head to protect me from the rain.

“I’ll call you, okay?” he said instead, and I nodded, waving once more before hurrying towards the door, eager to get into the warm house.

My parents were still awake when I entered the house, but they were too caught up in the movie they were watching, not minding me much, and I was glad about that.

I quickly made my way up into my room, closing the door behind me, leaning against it, staring off into space.

Would it have maybe been better to just tell him everything back in the car? To just get it over and done with?

**You know that I’ve been thinking ‘bout it for a while**

Not that I hadn’t tried before. I could remember a whole repertoire of situations in which I had tried to tell him…

When we had been alone at his apartment, having a movie night.

When we had gone home together after rehearsals.

When we had been studying lines together for Gokusen.

Actually, there had been so many situations, but I had never been able to muster up this last bit of courage to actually get it over with.

Bitch courage. You wait, you’re getting a letter now as well.

_Dear Courage,_

_I know that, in spite of your name, you are really nothing but a lousy coward who likes to make a fool of me. Why do you have to make my life so hard?! What do I have to do to make you stay with me long enough to actually help me say those three words out loud? Suck up to you?  
Could you please think about it and let me know? I’m desperate._

_Sincerely,_

_The body you should belong to_

I threw my jacket somewhere into the room, sitting down on my bed in frustration, my eyes falling to a photo on my bedside table.

It was one of Jin and me which had been taken only a few weeks ago. Actually, Pi had taken it – we had all been over at Jin’s flat, and he and I had been fooling around, Jin holding a pillow into his hand, threatening to throw it at me, but the smirk on his lips showed that he was only joking. Pi had snatched the photo with his cell phone without us noticing, and sent it to me afterwards. Sometimes, I wondered if he had a clue about what was going on – though he never asked, he seemed to be aware of something.

It was a nice photo, actually – it made me smile every time I looked at it.

Not tonight, though. Tonight, it made my throat tighten up, making it hard to breathe.

I didn’t want Jin to go out with this girl. I didn’t want him to be seeing anyone, really, above all no stuck up chick who wanted to have him.

As unreasonable as it was, I wanted him to be _mine_ , and no one else’s. Maybe we were actually spending too much time together – so much that I would get jealous every time he actually made plans with someone else.

Usually, I was not the jealous type. Really! It was all down to my insecurities that I felt like this. Because I had not the slightest clue what he was thinking.

What was I to him? A friend, that much was for sure. But more than that?

My instinct was to think no. Because it seemed to impossible for him to like me back – after all, what were the chances that he had been hiding his gay side from me as well for the last couple of years, like I had? Close to zero, right?

But then again, there were times when I wondered if, maybe, he did feel something more for me. Because Jin was quite the sincere type when it came to letting people around him know if they were important to him.

Not that he would ever say it out loud, of course. He was way too shy for that. But he had his ways to let people know – through little gestures, hardly noticeable, but I had been watching him for quite some time now, so I picked up on them easily.

It would be simple things, like him asking twice if you were alright when he had a feeling you were down. Or him bringing you a bottle of water or something to eat when he thought you looked pale. Tiny things that people who didn’t know him well enough would never notice, but I did.

So I knew that he cared for me, a lot even. And sometimes, I felt that we were so close, that there was no way it could only be friendship – that there had to be something beyond it, whatever it was.

It was a fight of intuition against sense. Sense told me it was impossible. Intuition told me that it wasn’t.

**Starting to think it’s time I knee**

The problem was that, the more time I spent with Jin, the more I tended to trusting intuition. The need inside of me to confess my feelings to him was growing bigger and bigger each day, and though I knew that I could possibly destroy everything we had with it, I wondered if maybe, I shouldn’t just go through with it.

Even more, when I thought about him having a date tomorrow. What was I going to do if it went well? If they really started going out? How was I going to take that?

**Does me good to know I finally feel  
Feel this pain**

The thought of it kept me awake through the whole night. I kept thinking in circles, not really getting anywhere, but it still felt like every time I thought it through, my fear of losing Jin grew bigger, and my need to tell him about my feelings and hold onto him stronger.

I was still pondering about it when I came out of the bathroom the next morning, not feeling the least bit refreshed, but not feeling as tired as I probably should with no hours of sleep either. I sat down on my bed, taking the photo of me and Jin back into my hand, looking at it once more.

I focused on the smile on Jin’s face, the way his eyes shone as he looked at me. Was it really possible that he had no feelings for me at all? Wasn’t there something, at least? Was I really imagining it?

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing, alerting me that I received a text message. I lay the photo back onto the table again with a sigh, picking up my phone.

I stopped breathing when I saw that it was from Jin. Almost automatically, my fingers pressed down the buttons, letting the message appear.

_Morning. Again, sorry for today. You seemed mad yesterday. Let’s meet up tomorrow, okay? I’ll make it up to you. – Jin_

I stared down at the message, gulping. There it was again – his subtle way of telling me that he was worried. It had to mean, something, right? He would not bother asking if I was not important to him…

**It’s real  
It’s possible**

It was that moment that I made my decision. I did not even do it consciously – it was like my body started working on its own, and  I just went along with it, letting it snatch my jacket and run.

20 minutes later, I stood on Jin’s doorstep, balling my fist to knock. I was shaking, but I knew I had to go through with it now – now, or I would never do it.

_Dear Courage,_

_It’s me again. I know, we have not really been on good terms lately, but please, don’t leave me again. I need you know._

_Sincerely,_

_The boy standing here with shaking hands_

Finally, I raised my fist, knocking two times. Then I closed my eyes, waiting. At first, I heard no sound from inside, and I wondered for a moment if I had come too late, and he was already out. At which time did they want to meet?

But then, I heard quick footsteps from inside, and a stumble, accompanied by a low curse, until the doorknob was turned and Jin peeked outside, looking at me in surprise.

“Kame” he murmured, perplexed. “What are you doing here?”

At first, I didn’t answer; instead, I took in his appearance. The way he had flattened his hair to get it under control, the way his outfit seemed to match until the last detail… He had definitely dressed up, and I hated it.

“Did something happen?” Jin asked worriedly when I didn’t respond.

I caught his eyes, and then, before I could think twice about it, I took the two steps towards him, gently pushing him inside. Jin went, stepping backwards into the corridor to let me enter, looking at me in confusion.

“Kame, what’s wrong?” Jin repeated.

I let the door fall closed behind me, continuing to approach him. Jin took another step backwards to make room for me, but collided with the wall. I still continued to move closer, backing him up against it.

“Kame” he murmured. “What-?”

“Don’t go” I interrupted him, catching his eyes. “Don’t meet them. Don’t see that girl.”

Jin blinked, frowning.

“What?” he asked, apparently wanting to say more, but I didn’t let him – instead, I reached for his wrists, holding them next to him against the wall, before I crossed the distance between us completely, leaning up, catching his lips with mine.

Jin didn’t move, frozen. I barely dared to move as well, so I just stood there awkwardly, pressing my lips against his, waiting for some kind of reaction from him, but there was none. So I broke away again, searching his eyes.

“I want you to be mine, Jin” I clarified. “So please, don’t meet anyone else.”

Again, Jin didn’t react for a few more moments, before he blinked, gulping, letting out a shaky breath. He moved his arms against my grip, and I let him go, taking a step back unsurely. If possible, Jin moved even further against the wall.

My heart sank.

**You say,  
Can’t change the wind**

“Wh-what are you talking about?” Jin stuttered, chuckling nervously. “We are both guys. It’s impossible.”

“Well” I murmured, my heart hammering against my ribcage painfully. “I know what I’m feeling, so apparently, it _is_ possible.”

“Stop joking!” Jin murmured, his voice high-pitched. “Tell me you’re not serious!”

“I am serious, Jin!” I clarified, my voice having a desperate ache to it by now.

_Dear Intuition,_

_Fuck you._

-          _Me_

Jin muttered something I couldn’t understand, before pushing past me, hurrying down the corridor, disappearing into his bedroom.

Leaving me alone at the entrance, alone and broken.

 **You say,**  
Won’t matter anyway  
Can’t reach that far cause it’s impossible

I hovered down onto the floor, resting my head on my knees, silently cursing myself.

_Dear Kazuya,_

_Congrats. You just destroyed the best friendship you ever had. How could you ever have been so stupid?_

_Sincerely,_

_Yourself_

I should have known that it was, indeed, impossible. I was important to Jin, as a friend, but nothing more. I should have known that. I could play the game as much as I wanted, but the higher levels were out of reach for me, and now, it was game over altogether.

**Can’t rise above this place**

I heard Jin run against something in the bedroom while he was pacing. I probably had scared him to death.

I looked up, my eyes catching a block of post-its and a pen on the table next to me.

**Won’t change your mind  
So I pray**

I had to give up. I could tell when I was being rejected, no matter how much it hurt. Better to leave now before it became any more awkward.

Jin’s POV

I rubbed my knee where I had hit it against the cupboard, sitting down on the bed, chewing on my lip, closing my eyes, trying to think.

What the hell was this supposed to mean?! Kame was in love with me? But, how could that have happened?!

How could I not have noticed?! We had been so close, every day… I thought I knew pretty much everything about him! How could I have been that ignorant?!

I ran my free hand through my hair, messing it up, knotting my fingers in it in frustration, trying to _think_ , but it was hard, when my heart was hammering this wildly in my chest.

I saw Kame’s face in front of me, the way he laughed, the way he would brighten up a whole room with his presence…

What did I feel for him? I had never thought about it. Actually, I had always assumed that it was friendship, and nothing more.

Though, now that I thought about it, there _was_ a difference. When asked, I had always answered that Pi was my best friend, and he was – but that didn’t mean he was more important than Kame to me.

Kame was just _different_. I couldn’t explain how, but he was. It was like, Pi was my best friend, but Kame – he was the person I cared most for in the world.

He was the first one I wanted to call when something had happened. The one I would always text when we were apart, finding out how he was doing. The one I was watching so closely that I immediately noticed when something was wrong, like when he was feeling sick or down, and when he was, it would bother me all the time, and I would keep on thinking about what to do to make it better.

So, what was it that Kame was to me? Something like a little brother? No, Reio was different from him, as well…

Did that mean… that I was in love with him?

The thought shocked me right to the bones. But… did that mean I was gay? Since when? I had always liked girls, right? What was this supposed to mean?

I was interrupted from running myself into a frenzy when I heard the front door open and close again. I blinked, not quite realizing what had happened.

Slowly, I stood up, walking towards the bedroom door. I hesitated for a moment before I opened it, peeking outside.

Kame was gone.

I stared at the empty hallway for a moment longer. Somehow, my brain seemed to work even slower than normally today.

It was then that I noticed a post-it on the front door. I stepped closer to it, gulping as I started to read the words Kame had scrabbled down.

 _I’m sorry._  
Please forget what I said.  
Let’s pretend this conversation  
never happened.

I stared at the words for a little longer, fear gripping through me as the events finally started to catch up with me.

And then I opened the door, and I started to run.

**Breaking down the walls to the impossible**

Kame’s POV

As I stepped out onto the street, I tried very hard to suppress the tears that were crawling up my throat.

I had known that this could happen, after all. And I had taken the risk. Now, I needed to deal with the consequences.

I took fast steps down the street, focusing on my pace, distracting myself so that I would not cry.

 **Walking by myself alone**  
This lonely road’s becoming my new home  
But I don’t stop,  
I just keep moving on

“KAME!” I suddenly heard Jin’s voice from behind me, and I froze, not even daring to turn around.

**And on**

Before I knew it, there was a warm hand on my arm, grabbing me, turning me around.  Jin was panting as he looked at me, searching my eyes.

“Where are you going?” he asked, breathless.

“Does it matter?” I murmured, biting my lip, because _no_ , I would _not_ cry.

**Ain’t no need to dry my eyes  
I haven’t cried in quite some time**

_Dear Tears,_

_Disappear to where you came from! I don’t need you right now!_

_Sincerely,_

_The pathetic wreck down here_

Jin tightened his grip around my arm before saying, without looking at me: “Let’s go back.” With that, he turned around, dragging me after him. I didn’t put up much of a resistance, following him.

When he had led me back into his apartment, we just stood there in silence, letting the door fall closed behind us, not looking at each other.

“My hand, Jin” I murmured after a while, tugging at the arm he was still clinging to. “It hurts.”

He immediately loosened his grip, letting go of me, turning around to look at me. There were imprints of his fingers on the skin of my wrist.

I didn’t meet his eyes – I knew that it would be my undoing if I did, so I just focused my eyes on the wall next to us, waiting for Jin to speak up. After all, he had been the one dragging me back here.

“Kame, I…” Jin began, letting the sentence hang in the air. “You-“ he started again, but broke off with a loud gulp, searching for words. “How do you know that you love me?” he broke out in the end.

I was so taken aback by the absurd question that I looked up at him.

“What?” I asked, incredulous.

“Just tell me, okay?” Jin pleaded, searching my eyes, as if he was desperately looking for something.

I gulped, frowning, trying to think about it.

“I… I just know” I stuttered, trying to collect my thoughts. “It’s the way I feel happy when you’re around, and when you’re not, I wished you were. The way I always seem to want to touch you. The way my heart beats a little faster when you smile at me. The way that, when something happens, you are the first I want to tell. I can’t really explain it… It’s many little things” I concluded. “I just know that you are more important than anyone to me, and that I want to be with you.”

Jin looked thoughtful as I had ended, and I waited for his response, nervous. Then, he finally looked up, saying: “I – I never really saw you in that way” he whispered, seeming torn. “I had always assumed that you were just a friend, a very important friend, sure, but no more than that… But everything you said just now… I feel it too.”

My breath caught at his last words and I looked up at him, He chewed his lips, looking scared.

“I just don’t know what to think” he admitted desperately. “The thought of hurting you, or not being able to see you any longer – it scares me to death. I don’t want that, Kame. But, is it really possible for us to go beyond friendship? Do you really want that?”

“If course I want it” I returned, confused by the question. “I wouldn’t have confessed to you if I didn’t want it!”

“But just think!” Jin pleaded. “How is everyone going to react when they found out? What are our friends and families going to say? What about the public? Our career? Have you ever thought about that?”

**Can someone tell me why it’s so hard taking chances**

“Wouldn’t it be better… to just stay like this?” Jin asked hesitantly, searching my eyes. “To just stay the good friends that we are, and let it drop?”

**You draw the line and think that I won’t ask for more**

I needed a moment until I could make myself respond, but when I did, I was shouting.

“You think I can just stay friends with you like this, and pretend that I don’t feel the way I do for you?!” I demanded. “After everything that happened today?! After you telling me that you may or may not feel the same for me?! How are you imagining that?! I watch you dating other girls, acting as if it doesn’t bother me, when you know exactly that it does?!”

Jin just stared at me as I continued to shout on and on, the tears returning to my eyes. I tried desperately to hold them back, but my voice was thin and shaking, giving me away.

“Besides, what does what we feel for each other have to do with everyone else?!” I demanded. “I couldn’t care less what they think!”

**I will stumble and I make my own mistakes**

“Of course, I never said it was going to be easy! There are a lot of obstacles – but I don’t care about those! I love you and I want to be with you! No matter what it takes!”

I paused, waiting for Jin to speak, but he was silent, just staring at me.

“Say something!” I yelled, but he didn’t.

It felt like I was being rejected all over again.

A silence fell over us, and suddenly, the doorbell rang. Jin looked at the door in surprise, but did nothing to approach it.

“Is it Hayami?” I inquired quietly, gulping.

“Yes, probably” Jin nodded.

“You still want to go to the date?” I asked.

Jin didn’t answer; he just stared at the door, as if the answer for his questions were written on there, on another post-it message.

“You know what” I said finally, shaking my head. “Go. If this is not important enough for you to take a few risks to be with me, then it’s better if we don’t start at all. Go and have fun on your date. Don’t worry about me.”

With that, I turned away from him, my hand flying to the doorknob.

**But I won’t worry about it anymore  
It’s impossible**

Before I could turn it around to open it, though, Jin was grabbing my hand again, turning me around to him. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, kissing me firmly.

I stumbled back in surprise, hitting the door with my back, and Jin pushed me against it, moving his lips against mine, kissing me as if his life depended on it.

The doorbell rang again, but both Jin and I ignored it; we only focused on each other.

Jin had moved both his hands to my cheeks, holding my face close to his, and mine were around his waist, pulling him against me, needing the contact, searching for it.

I felt like I was drowning in the passion. This was it – this had been what I had been searching for all this time. This was how I knew that my feelings for him were real. Because there was nothing in this whole world that could ever make me feel like this kiss from Jin.

**It’s impossible for you  
Not impossible for me**

Jin’s tongue moved over my lower lip, and I opened my mouth, allowing him entrance, letting him explore all he wanted. I moaned as his tongue touched mine.

_Dear Time,_

_Please, could you do me a favor and stop right now?_

_Yours,_

_Kamenashi Kazuya_

I felt the knocks on the door rather than hearing them as Hayami had made his way upstairs.

“Akanishi?!” he called. “Where are you?! We need to get going! AKANISHI!”

But Jin ignored him – he just kept on kissing me, moving even closer to me, making our chests collide. I let out a soft moan, regretting it the moment it came out.

“AKANISHI?!” Hayami called again, knocking some more. “Are you there?! Come on, I just heard something from in there! Stop ignoring me!”

But Jin didn’t do him the favor – instead, he moved one of his hands from my cheek to my hair, knotting his fingers in it, holding me close, continuing to kiss me as if there was no tomorrow. I felt a little smug about it.

_Dear Hayami,_

_Shit happens. Karma is a bitch. Tell that to your stupid date as well._

_Bye bye,_

_The guy with Jin’s tongue down his throat  
_

It took a few more minutes until Hayami finally seemed to have given up, and Jin seemed to finally dare to move away from the door.

Without breaking our kiss, he sneaked his arms around my waist, pulling me with him as he stepped backwards, stumbling towards the bedroom. He hit the wall with his elbow, wincing into our kiss, and then the back of his knees finally hit the bed, and he fell backwards with a yelp, taking me with him.

We broke the kiss to breathe, looking at each other, me on top of him on the bed, bracing myself with my palms against the matrices, and Jin holding me in place with his arms around me waist.

My hair fell into his face as I looked down at him, but he hardly seemed to notice. Instead, he stared into my eyes as if he was hypnotized by them, and then he leaned up again, catching my lips in another kiss.

His hands found their way under my T-Shirt, running over the skin of my neck, making me shudder. I broke the kiss again to let him lift the shirt over my head, and after he was done, he turned us around, pushing us a little farther onto the bed, hovering above me.

“Of course you are important enough to me” Jin finally picked up the question I had thrown at him ages ago. “You are the most important person to me. I would risk everything for you.”

I gulped, and instead of answering, I pulled at his shirt, eager to get him out of the stupid thing. He let me undress him, and when I was done, he started to trace kisses down my neck, towards my chest. I guided one of my hands into his silky hair, closing my eyes, reveling in the feelings his attention gave to me.

He lingered to lick and suck on my nipples respectively, his hands never stopping from roaming my body, and soon, I was flushed and breathless. Then, he moved even further down, his tongue dipping into my belly button before his hands flew to my belt buckle, beginning to undo it.

My jeans were gone in a matter of seconds, as well as my boxer shorts, joining the pile of clothes on the floor.

Jin moved up to kiss me again, and just when my fingers started to work on his pants, he began to touch me.

I moaned out loudly, distracted from my task, feeling electricity run through me at Jin’s touch. He broke our kiss, watching my face, his eyes drinking every change in my facial features that resulted from his touch.

I was not coherent enough to form any other word than his name, while I tried desperately to regain control over my fingers to undress him.

_Dear Jin,_

_I… urgh… I really appreciate what you’re doing down there, but could you just… you know… slow down for one second to give me the chance to return the favor?  
That would be helpful._

_Yours,_

_The moaning boy underneath you_

_PS: A little faster… Yes… like this. Thank you._

Finally, I had managed to open his zipper, wasting no time to slide my hands into his pants and underwear, searching the contact with his hard shaft.

Jin moaned in surprise, finally closing his eyes, stopping from observing my face, leaning his forehead against mine as we touched each other, stealing occasional wet kissed from the other when we felt the sensations overwhelming us.

Jin’s hand on me became shakier the longer I touched him, and he tightened his grip on me when I turned my wrist to change the angle a little, making me almost scream from the pleasure.

Jin turned to kiss me again, demandingly moving his tongue against mine, and when he sped up his movements even more, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I came into his hand.

Jin followed me only seconds after, moaning into our kiss, thrusting into my hand.

Then, we lay there for a while, hugging each other close, trying to regain control over our breathing, and enjoying our closeness. Jin nuzzled the skin right behind my ear with his nose, kissing my neck, making me shiver, and I sneaked my hands around his waist again, holding him tightly.

**Spoke up and thought I’d try  
Try to step across the line**

“I guess I am in love with you, after all” Jin murmured, smiling. “Who would have thought?”

“I’m glad I did not imagine all of this” I whispered, chuckling. “That I was right in the end, thinking that this between us was more than just friendship.”

“You’ve always had a good intuition” Jin murmured, cuddling into me.

I smirked to myself, taking in his scent, feeling happy, for once, to be alive.

_Dear fate,_

_thank you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. Remind me not to ever curse you again._

_Best wishes,_

_Kamenashi Kazuya_

_PS: Tell intuition that I’m sorry. I’ll write an apology letter when I have the time._

I guessed that, no matter how impossible the circumstances seemed – as long as the feelings were strong enough, the word _impossible_ didn’t exist in the category of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://vflmaeuschen.blog.com/2011/09/04/one-shot-impossible/


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